Monday, 2 April 2012

I tell you something was a 47 quid cock!

Well what a weekend! Just returned from Northampton after seeing my pal. My liver requires a 2 week package holiday in a Methodist church.

Everything started so well with a lovely Spa day. A complete detox having a facial, manicure and a lovely back massage. Then it all went horribly wrong. Thank goodness I drank so much herbal tea all day on Friday. It kept my kidneys flushed ensuring I didn't have a hangover Saturday morning. My pal was a bit worse for wear but we blame the garlic mayonnaise on the takeaway chips.
I met her sister and her best pal and what fab girls they are. They certainly know how to share a cocktail too. My pal's sister was also worse for wear; maybe she had garlic mayonnaise too. Her pal is a nurse on the Emergency assessment unit and felt fine. Maybe working for the NHS results in turning our livers into reinforced impenetrable steel.

Fish bowl anyone?
They took me to a cocktail bar called Hakamou. This is where the livers had to adapt the SAS motto "Who dares, wins". We thought we would start with a light cocktail. As you can see it may look like a month's catheter bag contents, but boy was it lovely. Try to ignore  me peeking over it! I still had night vision then.  I thought I would text my beau whilst he was in New York about my lovely cocktail.

"Already drunk with some big cock that cost 47 quid."

A conch even piggy would be proud of.

Quickly I had to text back. "COCKTAIL...COCKTAIL"
Ruddy Iphone spell checker!!  The reason we were there was my pal promised me a cocktail  out of a conch shell. They don't do them anymore apparently; people kept nicking them. I was chatting to someone who turned out to be the owner. He kindly retrieved  the last conch shell out from his office. Of course I only wanted a diet coke from it. It was about the novelty of drinking from it. However it arrived with some other deadly potion in it. The barman asked for 20 quid, much to the owners horror. So after my pal's sister had a chat with him he decided to put me to work behind the bar to make our cocktail. The girls only prerequisite was it had to have maraschino cherries in it and it had to be on fire. So the barman assisted me with my muddling and my shaking. I have to say I got a bit hot and bothered as a rear sneak up behind and a vigorous wrist action from one of the bar men sent me into a giddy kipper episode.  

Wonders if Demi Moore felt like this in Ghost?

We left happy bunnies and it was decided we should take it easy and maybe a nice cup of tea should be the order of the evening. I was thinking maybe a nice peppermint, but quickly it became a nice long island iced tea.

Tea for four. How civilised.
Saturday was spent shopping, getting all the things I can't get in Jersey at a good price. No my case wasn't full of Warburtons bread! Then evening came.  The Russian roulette game of poke the liver started again. It was just as much fun as the previous night. Of course we took it much easier and only did a couple of shots and got to bed at 3am after twirling round the dance floor of a gay club. We decided not to have garlic mayonnaise on our chips, we didn't want to risk another hangover. Sunday was chilling out after more shopping.

So I am safe and sound back in Jersey and have had 3 peppermint teas. I met my beau at the airport as he returned from New York. I am sure he was a tad more sensible than me. Well I say that he decided to go debt collecting with his pal riding shotgun. I will take the conch over that any day.

On returning home an angel had visited my house. My cleaner started this weekend whilst I was away. The best bit not only had she spring cleaned my kitchen cupboards, she had also done my washing and folded it away. I think I love her.

Well normality returns tomorrow, well just for now. There is always Easter weekend to get through. I will make sure when I go to church on Sunday (yes readers I go to church, don't be so shocked) its a Methodist church as I know they give you Ribena for communion. If I go to my C of E one and taste that red wine it might send me off on a spiral again. I could always say there was garlic mayonnaise on the communion wafer.

I would like to thank my pal for a superb weekend, her sister for taking these pictures and also her best pal another staunch NHS nursie.

N.B The beau read the text again and said what I actually typed, so I corrected it to what it reads now. Gawd it sounds worse than what I remember it as.