Sunday, 25 March 2012

I want to play sexy tunes!

Last night I went to watch my beau's eldest play in what I thought was the school band. When I got there and watched it; it was nothing like my school band experiences. To be fair it wasn't a school band but the Jersey Instrumental Service consisting of youth bands and choirs. None the less it was still children playing musical instruments and singing. I was expecting "snug as a bug in a rug" rather than Miami Sound Machine. I struggled not to dance in my seat to Dr Beat.

I wasn't really talented musically as a child, but like most children started out on recorder then had to go to violin lessons. My parents weren't keen on me practising as it sounded like I was murdering a cat. After several months of murdering the cat I decided to leave my violin under my bed and explore the world of biology books. I was good at that. I was allowed the top shelf references books that generally had all the human biology stuff in it. The librarian used to let me come in and read them possibly because I had an eye patch on for my lazy eye and she felt sorry for me.
Now don't go aww readers that biology book stopped me getting a kicking at school. I was a bit of a geek and not in the cool crowd but I was funny. Generally I could get out of bother with telling a joke. Once when I saw what we referred to as the "cock of school" approaching me to give me a bashing for sporting a flared A-line duffel coat, I thought argghh I am going to get battered. Quick thinking I started tap dancing in my lovely spesh coat. That flummoxed her and she went away. However I couldn't tap my way through 5 years of school so biology was my saviour.
In my experience generally the "cocks" are into boys and also their fellow flirting pals like girls. Once it became apparent I knew my way round both the male and female reproductive tract the questions came. "Oi meatball can you get pregnant standing up?" If I just lick it can it make me pregnant? " One second ..flick through pages...yes sperm can remain in the vagina to fertilise the egg even when standing up...From that day I never got a hiding and go see meatball in the cowshed generally was the order of the day to avoid STD's and pregnancies.

So back to music. I got thrown out of violin for being so bad. My sister on the other hand was a trombone triumph. My beau plays the grand piano that sits in his lounge and both his daughters are gifted. I could return to the recorder but that might just look weird. Music when I was at school was awful so was the school band. Eddie Izzard explains it better than me so I will let him.


Lets try a spot of culture

Its been a whole month since I last blogged! Things have settled slightly and now I feel like blogging. Thank you for those that sent best wishes for the recent sadness.

A couple of months ago I sat in my pal's office as we planned what cultural experiences we were going to enjoy whilst perusing both the Opera house and Jersey Arts Centre brochures. Eventually we agreed what to watch but we appear not to of managed to get together to watch the things we booked. The first one I couldn't attend because it was the funeral, the second he dumped me for Liverpool playing.

So I took another pal to go and watch Count Arthur Strong. I can only describe this as a bit odd.

As  we watched it laughing but not understanding why we were laughing; it came to me. The reason I liked it was because it took me back to my Reeves and Mortimer days. There was nothing more funnier than big night out or what was to become a staunched part of my social life, the brilliant shooting stars. I had to include my all time favourite clip of shooting stars for those of you that don't remember it. Possibly not the best clip but my sides hurt watching it.

It never really made sense a bit like Count Arthur Strong but it was hilarious. So much so I bought the Shooting Stars game. When I used to share a house with lots of fab people we used to play it or come back from the pub with a few people and play it. My strongest memory was watching one of the ED SHO's doing his forfeit for winning, yep you forfeited if you won. It was the best bit. So  we all clambered up to the window to watch him  as he stood outside the neighbours window with a mop sellotaped to his back shouting I am the broom from the moon. He is a consultant now and a jolly good one, so I think that demonstrates anyone can succeed. Its took me a bit longer to write this blog as I keep watching shooting stars clips on you tube!

The next instalment was going to watch the Circus of Horrors this week. I have seen it prior to Britain's got Talent and god I loved it then and love it now. I did manage to go with my culture pal this time. If you have never seen it you must go. I need to add if you are not a fan of Dwarfs with hoovers on the end of their willies you might not be so keen. Its a well put together show with a touch of cheese in the singing. There is something for everyone excluding those that  don't like dwarfs and hoovers! The bit that got me a bit hot and bothered under the collar was something I actually gasped out loud at. Was it the fire eater, sword swallower, trapeze girlie hanging by her hair or the contortionist? No! They were all great but as superficial as this is, it was a very hot boy with lickable abs dripping in water doing some trapeze thingy.  I was a bit mortified as I gasped clearly representing a loin stir rather than golly isn't he talented. For my girlies and my gay friends if you cant stomach the dwarf (although I think he is hilarious) close your eyes but definitely goo and see what I fondly call "bath boy". You will need a cold shower later!!