Saturday, 24 December 2016

Its been the most wonderful time of the year

So its Christmas eve, the most splendid time of the year. What a year its been!
For some of you, especially in my pals group you will be working throughout the festive period. Long hours and experiencing sadness for some; as people are poorly and need your care. For some of you there will be your own sadness, missing or remembering people. Whatever your situation, I do hope its not too unhappy.
Here in the Ruellan household we are also remembering people but its a very different house because I am now officially a step mum . I thought that is what I did before but apparently "its proper" now, I have an official responsibility for children. I haven't changed , nothing is different or so I think. My Christmas card reflects that I have underestimated the role of the step mum. There was a build up to receiving this card. It was given to me in private and with glee. Of course there was tears on my part... I was totes emosh which just got worst when the little one said Daddy its your turn for renebells card.

So despite thinking I was always a step mum and Andrew always referring to me as " the wife" ; this year its official. Of course I am happy but this year seems very special. As for the first time, in a long time Andrew has both his children here for Christmas. The only real present he ever wanted. Its been a while but feels very wonderful. Of course I have been baking, ensuring everyone has everything and not took my Cath Kidson chrimbo pinny off. The children tell me its the best rocky road in the world they have ever tasted. Its not, its just its Christmas eve they are excited and dad getting married means a sense of permanence. Clearly something that is a good thing.
So readers may you find your own "good thing". Its not easy finding or maintaining a good thing, nothing is; that is worth it. However right in this moment of eating cheesy puffs with a Kir Royale, educating the children about how amazing Human League actually are and seeing how happy Andrew is .. well its a good moment and a future memory and for now I will take that as the best Christmas present ever.

Sending love, happiness and health and if that doesn't work who cares, soon it will be another year. Finally in the words of a genius.
Come now sing with me,
Proper Crimbo
I'll take you for a drink with me
Proper Chrimbo
Put up your Christmas tree
Proper Crimbo
So excited you might wee
Proper Crimbo Proper Crimbo

Happy Christmas readers xx

Tuesday, 6 December 2016

Its the Final Countdown

So I am getting married in 10 days, I have no idea where the year has gone. I keep waiting for the moment when you enjoy the wedding planning but it hasn't kicked in yet. Talk about stressful! Its all a bit overwhelming. My pals have had to do home visits as I sob with "Its all too much!"
I set myself goals associated with getting married. I wanted to be 5 stone lighter, I am not I am 3. Its been challenging. It started well then I decided I wanted to give up smoking. There was something distasteful for me about wearing a wedding dress with a cig in my mouth. So I stopped and was slightly concerned when the stop smoking lady said " you will probably put a stone on" Brilliant I thought! Although I didn't gain weight, I didn't loose it  either.

I am pleased I am slightly smaller than when I got engaged and even happier I have quit smoking. However for some reason for a chick who has always been confident in her skin, I appear to of turned into a emotional wobbling jelly. There is this overwhelming pressure to be the most beautiful you have ever been in your life on your wedding day. It sucks. I have been primping and preening and prepping all year and 10 days before my wedding I look like I haven't slept and have a hacking cough and a ruddy cold.
Whilst doing the wedding plan a couple a weeks ago I shrieked at the dining table that I had forgotten to order the umbilical cords!! Andrew couldn't work out how that fitted with table 2 turtle doves and table 6 geese a laying. Stupidly I had booked the wedding 2 weeks after course directing APLS. My fellow RO's will know that APLS is one of the more challenging resus courses. The outstanding maternity unit came to my rescue and collected cords and the faculty worked hard and achieved a 100% pass rate for candidates. Phew one less thing to worry about.

So I am excited about the wedding but I do need to chill out about what occurs. I keep having hot sweats that my dress will burst at the alter or a chunk of beetroot from my starter will sit in my cleavage and stain the dress. I understand why people elope!

Then there are the helpful people giving me advice.

You have stopped smoking? Probably that is why you haven't done well with the weight. (When someone asked me to have a cig)
Step away from the biscuits! ( I was only getting a teaspoon from a drawer)
Don't be the bride who never stops eating forever once they hit the buffet.

I have decided my wedding day should be like a Vegas for "One Night Only" show. If I want to drink a third of my 60% body weight of water in champagne. I will. If I want to eat a third of my body weight in cheese I will.
Having said all that; it is a coming together of the people that mean the most to us. People for me who have loved and supported me at various crossroads in my life. Who better to feel insecure with?   So in advance I thank those who have listened to me say "Gawd" over and over again.

Its important that I remind myself on the day of what someone recently told me. I am marrying my best friend and that is the only thing that matters.

If that doesn't settle the nerves I will recall what twinkle said last night.
Twinkle: Now that you will be married to daddy you will have parental responsibility of me as a step mum
Me: Don't I have that now?
Twinkle: Well you love me and couldn't love me more but this is more official of me
Me: I don't like the term stepmum, it feels evil.
Twinkle: OK you can be mummy two
I cry
Twinkle: Renebell you really need to stop doing that crying. I wonder what I will have for my breakfast at Longueville?

Roll on 17 December.