Sunday, 6 March 2016

Washing and ironing and darning too

Happy Mother's day readers! Perhaps you are being spoiled or remembering a mother who isn't here, cursing a mother who is or having your normal Sunday activities. Whatever you are doing I hope you are having at least a semi decent day. The title of this blog is from a song my own mother used to sing to us when we were little.

My "be kind to myself week" is now officially over. I know this as I am sorting the washing. Andrew is off practising for his pistol competition in Germany and Alice is at her mums cooking lunch with her big sister. So although I do have stuff to do I am sure I will fit at least one more episode of Law and Order in.

Yesterday was a proposed day of being with the vicar to discuss our pending marriage but he is poorly. Andrew was a little pleased then I reminded him you can't be happy when a man of the cloth is sick even it is a cold. So plan B was both Alice and Andrew saying I could do what ever I wanted. Much to Andrew's horror and Alice's delight it involved garden centres, charity and things you don't need shops then cake. I struggled with the cake moment as I am on  operation wedding frock diet. It is a terrible thing to say but if someone told me loose weight if you will kick the bucket I would of asked for a second opinion. A wedding frock seems to be a bigger incentive. If I start to show signs of putting weight on post nuptials I will have to look for another husband to incentivise me.
So I ate the cake with my fat club leader's words echoing in my head " you are loosing weight too quickly, its not sustainable and your skin will sag". Righty ho better eat some cake, wouldn't want that prophecy to come true!
After dropping Alice off at a concert last  night I spotted a park. I think Andrew thought I had lost my mind when I said lets go play on the swings. He just stood and watched me as I asked for a push. Not sure when the last time you had a go on a swing readers  but would recommend it. Its quite refreshing  just swinging about. I do appreciate being in a park late at night might not be recommended. I myself fell foul of being in a park late at night when I was setting off fireworks with a boyfriend. It was quite magical looking at them lighting up the sky but not so magical looking at the  illuminated bushes and silhouettes darting about in strange positions shouting "what the f*$*#!!   I don't think they had anticipated cottaging by candlelight by  two idiots with rockets. So perhaps choose your swing moment  carefully. (Easy, no swapping required).

So I think or I hope I have re-centred myself. Its a big year! Busy with  work, dieting and  getting married to name a few, but my "be kind to myself" week couldn't of ended better. A little voice piped up from her bedroom when she heard me get up. "renebell come here". So I sat on her bed as I do most weekends for a "whats ahead in the day" chat. She produced a pink envelope from under her duvet. I knew it would be a card acknowledging someone special as it is mother's day. I received my first last year.
However I sobbed when I saw she had upped the anti with a "like a mum to me " card.
"I got you this because that is what I think" I sobbed some more gave her a kiss and sobbed again.
" Right you can go now" she remarked. I think the sobbing was becoming embarrassing.
As I stood at the door trying not to sob  she said "renebell"
I thought oh I hope she doesn't say anything that will make me sob more.
 "my vans need cleaning"

So its business as usual and whats better than that.    

Tuesday, 1 March 2016

Invest in yourself

So I wrote a Facebook post recently  about having a "Be kind to myself" week. I thought about it  later after I wrote it. I thought some might think " I wish I had that time to myself" and " all those cocktails and hotels, how much kindness does she need?!"  

So I thought about it some more which naturally drew me to writing my blog. I am tired, I don't mean late nights tired, I just mean tired. I have lost 2 1/2 stone on operation wedding frock so far,   people keep saying "you must feel better"? I pause and say yes but then think I am still tired!. Recently I have been doing a lot of work, study, wedding planning and children juggling. No more than anyone else I am sure; but once I felt I was so close to the wall I could lick the paper off. I thought  time to stop a little and be kind to myself..

So there it started. I am not saying to be kind to oneself it requires a staycation. I spent 30 minutes staring at the ceiling this morning and thoroughly enjoyed it! I understand that 30 minutes is a little longer than the recommended 2 minutes to appreciate yourself but I thought what's a little over indulgence?
It was certainly better than the 30 minutes I spent discussing what kind of toilet I wanted for my wedding marquee!
In order to be truly kind to myself I needed a little help whether it was getting a week's annual leave off work or Andrew doing the school duties. I have no doubt work will still be there when I get back but Alice on the other hand might not. There appears to be an abundance of apples in the kitchen and on further investigation Andrew has been convinced by Alice that Haribo is one of the 5 a day. No wonder she is enjoying Daddy mornings getting ready for school as it means having a butt warmer in the car rather than the school bus and a Haribo fruit snack.

I wrote a be kind to myself list of things to do starting with "watch law and Order  from the beginning again". I didn't get any further with the list because after 3 episodes I nodded off. With 456 episodes produced I might need to do my be kind list when I am staring at the ceiling for 30 minutes.

Now exercise should energise me I thought. So I have joined a gym. Well I say gym I mean a spa that has a little corner for equipment the Marquis de Sade sold them. So far I have done 3 lengths in the pool, sat in the Jacuzzi and steam room. We all have to start somewhere! So I took it up a notch; return of the cross-trainer at home. I have a plan to get fitter at home before visiting the Marquis de Sade's torture room. There is a trainer at the spa who is ready to get me motivated, I just wave at her as I pass her en route to doing 3 lengths. I am sure if she got her hands on me she would be productive but I will carry on with Alice. I can distract her with a bag of Haribo.

In my early 20's I went to the gym a lot until I couldn't get up from emptying a catheter bag when I worked in  ICU. It required an anaesthetic intervention; meaning one of the registrars oiking me up whilst eye rolling. So that was short lived.

Andrew is also in the getting healthy mood and is supportive. However when he said no matter what you look like in your dress, it won't matter to me. I paused, starred and quietly whispered "I am not doing it for you dear, I am doing it for me".

That's what I really mean about a "be kind to yourself week" . It is about having a moment of doing what you want. I know you might not be able to manage a week readers but if you can find 30 minutes of being vacant I would thoroughly recommend it for recharging your batteries.  That might seem counter productive for a "invest in yourself moment" but whatever it is; do it to be kind to yourself rather than others.

Logic would follow that I complete this blog with an affirmation but as its my " be nice to myself week", I have finished with something inappropriately funny that makes me laugh.