So I am getting married in 10 days, I have no idea where the year has gone. I keep waiting for the moment when you enjoy the wedding planning but it hasn't kicked in yet. Talk about stressful! Its all a bit overwhelming. My pals have had to do home visits as I sob with "Its all too much!"
I set myself goals associated with getting married. I wanted to be 5 stone lighter, I am not I am 3. Its been challenging. It started well then I decided I wanted to give up smoking. There was something distasteful for me about wearing a wedding dress with a cig in my mouth. So I stopped and was slightly concerned when the stop smoking lady said " you will probably put a stone on" Brilliant I thought! Although I didn't gain weight, I didn't loose it either.
I am pleased I am slightly smaller than when I got engaged and even happier I have quit smoking. However for some reason for a chick who has always been confident in her skin, I appear to of turned into a emotional wobbling jelly. There is this overwhelming pressure to be the most beautiful you have ever been in your life on your wedding day. It sucks. I have been primping and preening and prepping all year and 10 days before my wedding I look like I haven't slept and have a hacking cough and a ruddy cold.
Whilst doing the wedding plan a couple a weeks ago I shrieked at the dining table that I had forgotten to order the umbilical cords!! Andrew couldn't work out how that fitted with table 2 turtle doves and table 6 geese a laying. Stupidly I had booked the wedding 2 weeks after course directing APLS. My fellow RO's will know that APLS is one of the more challenging resus courses. The outstanding maternity unit came to my rescue and collected cords and the faculty worked hard and achieved a 100% pass rate for candidates. Phew one less thing to worry about.
So I am excited about the wedding but I do need to chill out about what occurs. I keep having hot sweats that my dress will burst at the alter or a chunk of beetroot from my starter will sit in my cleavage and stain the dress. I understand why people elope!
Then there are the helpful people giving me advice.
You have stopped smoking? Probably that is why you haven't done well with the weight. (When someone asked me to have a cig)
Step away from the biscuits! ( I was only getting a teaspoon from a drawer)
Don't be the bride who never stops eating forever once they hit the buffet.
I have decided my wedding day should be like a Vegas for "One Night Only" show. If I want to drink a third of my 60% body weight of water in champagne. I will. If I want to eat a third of my body weight in cheese I will.
Having said all that; it is a coming together of the people that mean the most to us. People for me who have loved and supported me at various crossroads in my life. Who better to feel insecure with? So in advance I thank those who have listened to me say "Gawd" over and over again.
Its important that I remind myself on the day of what someone recently told me. I am marrying my best friend and that is the only thing that matters.
If that doesn't settle the nerves I will recall what twinkle said last night.
Twinkle: Now that you will be married to daddy you will have parental responsibility of me as a step mum
Me: Don't I have that now?
Twinkle: Well you love me and couldn't love me more but this is more official of me
Me: I don't like the term stepmum, it feels evil.
Twinkle: OK you can be mummy two
Twinkle: Renebell you really need to stop doing that crying. I wonder what I will have for my breakfast at Longueville?
Roll on 17 December.