A Northern girl's amusing account of starting a new life.
Thursday, 3 January 2013
It's the Eyyeeee of the Tigerrrr Grrrrrr
Risin' up, straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive
So there's the lyrics from Survivors song much covered by the hideous medium of karaoke. Why is it relevant? Well I thought it might be a good idea to be my theme tune to assist me in achieving my New Years resolutions!
In July I wrote on my blog
Man or woman if you are out there thinking god I too am conscious when naked then remember these things. I am no Gok but I can talk from experience. There is nothing more beautiful than the human body, its a fantastic piece of machinery. Yes it may be a little wonky or not be how we like it. In truth we can change it if it bothers us so. It requires hard work and you have to decide if today is going to be the first day of doing something about it.
Well I feel that time is here. I still consider myself to have an inner goddess but I can't kid myself any longer I am 42 years old. With that in time will come dodgy hips, creaky back, wonky eyes and other such lovely things. I have to say I am not looking forward to getting older, its not like I want to be Benjamin Button but ageing is bothering me. He did make quite a valuable comment.
For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it.
So what am I going to do to try and make my body last that little bit longer? Like most people at this time of year I commit to a vow of dieting, exercise and general health. I have done this before and been successful the picture on my blog profile is 4 years ago when I lost 5 stone in a year courtesy of Pearl at Slimming World. So I can do it so why did it go so wrong over the last few years. possibly because I couldn't be arsed. First pitfall ..apathy! However I might not be miserable or feel oh my god when I look in the mirror and I may beat my beautiful counter part to most cardiac arrests despite the fact she is athletic and toned. That's because I know most short cuts and can slide into a ward like a Michael Jackson tribute act not because I am fitter.
Unfortunately there isn't a Slimming world here in Jersey, there are endless Weight Watchers. I am not a fan of ready meals and I also had a Little Britain experience when I went to a Weight Watchers class. On arriving to see a very thin woman who when she spoke sounded like she smoked 100 Benson Hedges a day, I knew it was going to be interesting. Her introduction to the class was "look around the room , see who is the fattest.. I bet all your life people have said aww aren't you bonnie.. well you are not bonnie you are fat" (Imagine that said as if you had an ashtray in your gob). She then went off on a tangent by yelling the word "sausages" like Bob Carolgees. If honest it amused me, however I could see not everyone shared my sense of dark humour.
So today I set out with the intention of being healthy. I didn't do so bad but I think I was assisted when someone popped in my office for something then embarked on a conversation they had just got over Norovirus. Politely I tried to tell them to sod off , they kindly told me I would be OK as we hadn't sat on the same toilet and shared 18 micro organisms on the seat. I promptly threw my sandwich I was eating in the bin. Maybe that's the secret of getting thinner. Eat food during conversations of loo chat. I am not the same ED Sister who could eat a curry at 6am on a night shift after suturing a big head wound, I have lost that die hard quality required of all ED sisters. Essentially I have gone a bit soft.
So the quorn will be featuring very heavily at dinner, not sure the beau will be very keen, but he is on a health kick too. However he is like stone age man and will rip the leg off a chicken whilst running on a treadmill. He isn't known as the bear for nothing. He will protect his jar of nuts ..life or death.
The exercise, well one of my Christmas presents was a hoola hoop with a lesson. I think this kind of activity will suit my personality, it is hip wiggling after all and I am very good at that! I have done the gym thing but I spend most of my time looking to see how many may require a surgical removal of thong arse or as my friend calls it. " thing me a thong syndrome" . Last time I did the gym I was a young 20 something and on emptying a catheter bag whilst working in ITU, I couldn't get up again. Fortunately a passing anaesthetist oiked me up.
So there you have it. I am starting the year with the best intention. Maybe by next Christmas I will be like Rocky. Wish me luck
"Adriannnnnnn......Adriannnnnnnnn...Adriannnnnnnn.. help me I am stuck in a 30:2 position..me ruddy hips gone! "