Monday, 11 July 2011

Bananies-oh my sister is coming to Jersey

12 ruddy months I have lived here and her royal highness still hasn't graced me with her presence but no more. The red carpet is out and she is arriving next week. OK so her flight isn't booked and she can't find her passport (this is the same girl who tried to board Aer Lingus with a library card) but I have my fingers crossed.
She is after my kidney so I am seducing her with the possibility of a harvest when I am not looking, that will get her here. Ever since she told me there is a possibility she wants it I have thought of ways she can't have it.
Hitting me over the head with a can of Elnett hairspray all those years ago, I still hold a grudge.

We have a wonderful relationship but it wasn't always so. See we are very different in so many ways. I didn't realise how different till we were stood in the butchers queue me age 7 and her age 5. He remarked to my sister golly aren't you just pretty and adorable , I got and what do you want to be little boy when you grow up? I wasn't sure if Esther Rantzen would take me away to a children's home if I answered honestly "a serial killer of butchers" . so I responded "a girl".

Alexandria has always been glamorous even her name is glamorous. I sound like a 60 yr old woman with a pinny on. When she was little she asked for a Lady Di haircut and indeed got one. I thought oooh I will have one of them and I got a Ringo Starr haircut. I asked for Olivia Newton John Grease pants..I got green cords. She got trendy dungarees. She wanted some cute little burgundy kitten heels for school and that's  exactly what was in the shoe box, of course I though ohh lovely me too! I opened my shoe box and there was a Judy Garland pair of ruby shoes but built up as if Dorothy had a limp. Click your heels and you end up on the mobility bus!

So yes we are very different. See below

Ringo Starr

Olivia Newton John

We are from the same parents although I did tell her she was adopted and her original parents were an Indian couple that sold her. She was exceptionally tanned and jaundiced as a child.  It was  premeditated torture as I knew one day she would hit me over the head with an Elnett hairspray can.

Despite our difference in appearance, we do actually have the same button upturned nose. Our outlook in life is generally the same you have to be strong to survive life's upheavals. We also laugh in the face of adversity. I miss her terribly even those daft o clock calls in the middle of the night "I can't sleep, lets Thelma and Louise it to Blackpool, there's a bag of chips in it for you" This essentially meant driving to Blackpool with music blaring singing at the top of our voices. Her like that chick from The Cardigans and me flaring my nostrils whilst trying to reach the high notes. 

I am excited to say the least that she is visiting. It still could come to be she never gets here, and I will be sad but thinking about her made me write this blog and that has amused me no end.
See the bananies -oh reference is of us aged small doing a dance in the lounge. Imagine two small children, one all blonde like Lady Di and the other like Ringo Starr with an eye patch (ruddy opticians idea) dancing with arms side to side like a lu ow dance. Repeatedly singing bananies- oh over and over again and laughing.

To this day we recreate that dance as it amuses us the same as when we were small. She is hilarious to me and I love her. She still isn't getting a kidney that bloody Elnett hairspray can flamin hurt!       


  1. What my dear dear sister has failed to tell you all(i'm putting that down to senility) is that she lovingly flushed my kermit the frog slipper down the bog,quickly followed by my wee arse .....I've been too traumatised to buy slippers since and, now get ready for this one folks.... I had to stash her lard soaked mince in my knickers even though my carrots were already in there that's LOVE !!! Remember the time Missus when we had to leave the house quickly during dinner???? oh yes I had to do a ' Great Escape' and empty my knickers with every step all around town..........I shall agree with my Sis on one aspect of her blog, I do love her and miss her.......over to you now Irene for the comeback.....and buy the way, my arse takes a size 6 shoe.......grin xxxxx

  2. Err I thought long and hard about publishing this comment. I mean mince in knickers, how is that going to get me dating if people know that? Unfortunately its true. We hated mince and our parents cottoned on to the fact we were hiding it in our drink of tea. Hence "Lexy where can we hide it now?" My face is tear stained with laughing, get your library ticket ready you are coming to visit x