Thursday, 14 July 2011

Don't be fooled by this beach peach look, inside is an inner goddess.

Written by Diane on my Facebook "absolutely love the blogs. I too am very different to my sister and wish I was as humorous and articulate as you to describe how I was the thin one but she got all the boys and fun!!"

According to a recent survey 76% of women are body conscious and 48% of women like to wear clothes during sex to cover up what they are conscious about. Interestingly 81% of men are apparently body conscious too. That makes up for a lot of sex in the dark wearing  anoraks.  
Like Diane's sister I was the chubbier of the two siblings, but it didn't impact on my ability to pull as we say in the North. 

Of course I am body conscious and firmly sit in the 76% but you won't find me in the 48%, as I cast my anorak aside with wild abandonment.. Why? Well its no secret what you are getting, its not like I can hide my arse under a bushel. 
Throughout my courting days, I didn't struggle due to the fact I had a confidence in my body, it was the one I had so you have to get on with it and try to improve your inner goddess. I have done all the diets yo-yoed my weight. I was a thin child and then I became self sufficient when I left home, and discovered alcohol and restaurants.
The Atkins period of ketotic breath doesn't really do much for that crazy passionate snog we all love.
I am not saying I haven't had those awful moments of what to wear and saying that's it no more biscuits. Of course I do I am a woman!
I suck everything in when required I try to stand at jaunty angles when having my picture took (that's if you can catch me in a picture, I am the one moaning take that picture and I will kill you).

I have never been more conscious of what I look like than currently. God do I have to say it, please don't make me say it.....OK I am single. (Meh I hate that word). This blog is like therapy as before I have defined my self as just come out of a relationship, or recently split up and here I am admitting it in public that I am indeed single. 
Man or woman if you are out there thinking god I too am conscious when naked then remember these things. I am no Gok but I can talk from experience. There is nothing more beautiful than the human body, its a fantastic piece of machinery. Yes it may be a little wonky or not be how we like it. In truth we can change it if it bothers us so. It requires hard work and you have to decide if today is going to be the first day of doing something about it.

The mouth you kiss is just lovely. The hug you feel from their arms is snugly. When you get down to the nitty gritty of commingling (this isn't an adult rated blog, one has to use certain words, :-)) its exciting. Embrace it with abandonment. being very much in to your lover beats pulling your anorak down to cover your arse.
Well if it bothers them that your boobs aren't bigger, or your arse is too large, your stretch marks look like a AA road map, your willie leans to the left and is smaller or too ruddy big then they can shove off. They won't know what they are missing when you embark on kissing, sex and snuggling. 

I am confident in my skin, of course I would like to alter bits, I can't moan about what I am because its in my control to change it. I am not big boned and as my diet club woman once told us all "You are not bonnie, you are fat" ( I thought yeah well at least I haven't got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp, now stick that in your pipe and smoke it you skinny bint).

I  had the same teenage angst we all suffer, but it all floated into the background the day my friend Babs amused her self. (I know you are reading this blog Babs, all the way over in OZ, I miss you and I know this will make you smile).
I shared a house with 4 girls and a boy in my 20's, best years of my life. I loved those  all in one body underwear thingys, with the snappy poppers. I wasn't shy so would  always be on the phone chatting in my underwear. If the phone rang Babs would answer and yell bubble its for you. She called me this as when i came downstairs in my underwear she said I looked like a little pink bubble. Oh readers this story gets worse, in fact why I miss her is any ones guess.

Then the fateful day arrived, I had a crush on someone in the emergency department. I was flirting being amusing and then suddenly a baby in a nappy waddled pass us. He was chubby and pink and yes a BOY. 
Babs response "Mr X see that baby that's what bubble looks like in her underwear". If I could of trephined her head and got away with it I would. I was speechless as she cackled and Mr X response "Oh right".
That's it done for I thought. However I laughed and actually thought it was funny. Handling a flirt disaster worked out. He snogged me that night. It didn't matter that I am not Kate Moss because when we snogged he liked it and so did I.

You have to make the most of what you have. You won't catch me in an all in one jumpsuit (flash back caving suit, a story for another time).

So folks embrace all that you have. Love your body and cast those arse covering anoraks aside.


  1. Every man and woman alive has felt like this at some stage or another, or still feels it every day. I love how well you described those feelings of self doubt and sometimes self loathing. But yes, you are right, confidence always shines through and always trumps the 'non Kate Moss, Supermodel stick-figures' around.
    Well done Irene. Keep it up. Love it!

  2. Irene you are so brill. . these could be published, earn you a fortune. Us skinnies have long periods of doubt also, bony prominences that stick into loved ones more padded areas. we look older as no fat to pad wrinkles out. . no boobs to speak of, da de da de da . . . Have bad attacks of gravity making us look out of proportion, disguised as part of the five a day, apple or pear shape. Not many people are truly content with their image, but remember we never view ourselves as others do.
    Look forward to your next offering.